Mostly more of the same

We recieved our monthly update...only 5 letters out to birthmoms in November.  We were also favorited by a birthmother.

Along with the lower count of letters going out, our webpage has seen less visitors too.  We aren't too surprised though, since we are in the holiday season now.

It's been a year on the books now.  We are not where we though we'd be a year ago, but we are trying to trust the process.  We had lunch at the beginning of the month with a couple who worked with IAC and brought home their son last December.  It was nice to compare stories of the process and know that we aren't the only ones who have had multiple contacts/prospects without any closure yet.  It took them 18 months until they brought home their adorable son.  So, we try to stay hopeful and keep finding ways to put ourselves out there for birthmoms.

We've had some fun though this month welcoming our new nephew, Hunter, into the family. 

 

Happy Solstice!  Merry Christmas!  Happy New Year!



Ups and downs

It's almost Thanksgiving; 11 months on the books.  We are still waiting.  We are not in the place where we thought we would be a year ago. 

Maybe we were too optimistic.  Too arrogant.  Too hopeful.

We've had less activity on our website.  The decrease in interest was apparent with our October stats - we only had 4 letters go out.  :(  We definitely saw less repeat visitors too.

We put together packets of our birth mother letter, IAC pamphlet, and cover letter to OB/GYN offices in NC, SC, and GA.  I'll be sending those out soon.


On a more positive note, things have happened for the better.  SML accepted a job offer on the unit she really wanted!  Come August 2013 she'll have graduated RN school, passed the boards, and will be starting her nursing career.
I have had the opportunity to rack up more PDO/PTO time at work.  Starting Jan. 1, 2013, coworkers can donate their PDO/PTO time again, which is fantastic news since I only have ~7 weeks saved.  It's amazing how you can save for over a year and still not have enough paid time off.  So, hopefully when future baby comes (probably in 2013), coworkers can gift me PDO/PTO time instead of baby gifts :)
Also, I will receive another bonus next month!

SML and I have had a great time just spending time together.  We finally purchased a game we've wanted and have played it over and over for the last few nights.

 

 

It's called Ticket to Ride.  A fun strategy game that we played last year with my dad & step mom.  We need to get the expansion set to add more routes and ways to play!  We're obsessed.  SML is especially loving it since she's kicking my butt.

 



New traffic

We had our record of 13 letters go out in September to birth moms!  Along with our record, we seem to have had a shift in traffic viewing us...lots of new visits with limited repeats.  So, we take this as good news that we have more exposure, but sad in that repeat visitors who were eyeing us may have moved on.

We expanded our networking a little more and now have a facebook adoption ad.  This is very similar to our google ad, but it is only published on facebook and takes birth parents directly to our facebook page.  They can still access our main adoption webpage, but they can see more of our day to day life on facebook.

We just returned from our annual wine trip to VA and per usual, it was fantastic!!  We hit the color change perfectly this year and had magazine quality surroundings.  Pictures to follow. :)  We revisited some of our favorite vineyards and found a couple more that we'll have to add to the repeat list for next year.
We just LOVE fall!

We will have an annual homestudy update this week, so in preparation for that, we've updated our federal fingerprints, criminal background checks, physicals, and driving records.  So silly.  A social worker will visit our home again to verify that all is as it should be...smoke detectors in place and working, fire extinguisher in kitchen, and a room for the baby.  Only if every couple had to be evaluated...

Short and sweet

August was a little bit of a different month for us.  This month was the first full one with having our google ad live and having a more open profile. 

We had 10 letters go out this month to birthmoms, which is pretty high again. :)

We've noticed more traffic to our website; some of which is coming through our google ad. 

So, birthparents are looking at us, with repeat visits as well.  We just wait for a phone call or email.

Contacts, but nothing serious

So, we've had two contacts within a week, but neither one is a reality.

We were called by TM Sunday afternoon and at first things were going okay.  Then she started saying things that I wouldn't think a birthmom would be thinking about initially, such as wanting to deliver away from home, stating that she does not need financial support, and specifics of her pregnancy.  She was very needy the rest of the day and constantly texted and emailed us.  We received a photo of her "belly."  She sent pictures of her and dad.  She also wanted us to go to Walmart and pick up a photo order, which ironically was not there that evening.

We skyped that first night, which was odd, since she was laying in bed and watching TV at the same time.  She told us that she came out to her family this past January, but had to text that piece of info to us while on skype.  But, if so, how did the baby come after knowing she was gay?

The next day, TM called us upset after trying to talk to a counselor at IAC, who supposedly was rude.  After finding another counselor to talk with her, she still wasn't content.  We also learned that at the time of conception she was legally married (to a homosexual man) to allow her to live off of military base with her girlfriend.  Things were just too coincidental and felt like they didn't add up.

We talked to our counselor about everything and determined that she was more than likely an emotional scam - regardless of being pregnant, wanting someone to be a best friend, someone to sympathize with her, someone to support her.  We felt that TM "being gay" was a way for her to relate to us.  We put up some boundaries for contacting us and after that, never heard back from her.

That same week, on Saturday, we had another birthmom, AF, contact us.  She was looking for someone to adopt her nine month old son.  We had little conversations via email with her and learned that she initially was looking for someone to adopt her son at birth, but it fell through.  Her Aunt became the guardian and caretaker for the boy while AF retained legal rights.  AF doesn't feel that she can provide for her son, already taking care of her 2 yr old daughter, and wants him to have a better home than with his aunt.  Supposedly the aunt is denying some visits and enforcing religion that AF doesn't agree with.  AF expressed concern wtih her son not being taken care of properly.

After talking and thinking for a few days, we decided that we are not at a position in our life where we can bring a nine month old into our home properly.  It'll take transition time, at least a dedicated three months off from work, and even though he will have a developmental and physical exam done, we don't know what sort of delays and issues he may have.  We know that there's another family that can properly give him 110%.

We are still having lots of visits to our website and continue to wait.

An increase in activity

After a week of very low activity to our website at the end of July, I looked into advertising ourselves more and improving our networking.  Other than tweeting, which we don't do, we are networking great.  However, we don't really have ourselves advertised that well.  I looked into the classifieds and found that no one really does that, or even looks at them too often.  I looked into more websites that will post our profile, but if they were free, they didn't offer much and the prices quickly jumped up for the same services we are already receiving via our agency.  Then I came across google adwords.  I still don't understand the whole process, but I managed to create an online ad that will populate based on certain keyword searches and the cost to get ourselves on the page.  So, for about $2/day, we are advertising ourselves on google search pages with a link to our website. :)

Since then, we have easily tripled our website visits...more exposure!  I don't believe that all visits are legit, but the more who know, the more opportunities for others to learn about us and open adoption.

As for July, we had 9 letters go out to birthmoms!!!  That's our record so far.  There were also a good number of birthmother intakes at our agency.  Supposedly they see this activity in July and August and then peak in September and October.

Fingers crossed!

Trying to keep busy

We are getting anxious waiting...7 1/2 months on the books now. After our unmatch with S, we are picking up our life again and trying to stay positive. With the slowness that the agency is feeling, we are feeling it too.

We seem to have hit a slump in our advertising; we only had 2 letters go out to birthmoms in May and 1 in June.  We were matched for two weeks in June, which took us out of the running then.

However, June was a much quieter month all around for our agency with low numbers of birthmom intakes, therefore lower numbers of packets sent out.

We are trying to stay busy...SML is finishing up her last few weeks as a PNA at Duke and will start her last fall semester in August.  I'm working and keeping busy with sewing projects, reading, yoga and getting back into running.

We have planned a couple of small trips again.  We just spent a night back at a B&B we loved at Sunset beach.  The weather was perfect and it was really nice to leave town.  We are planning a day trip to Wrightsville beach next week.  Keeping with our annual fall tradition and love of wine, we are taking another trip up to VA with my dad and step-mom to visit some new vineyards and repeat at a couple of our beloved vineyards.  I'm looking forward to this trip and the coming of fall - the weather needs to cool down.

An unfortunate turn

Sorry it has been a while, but we have needed some time to ourselves. 

We were on the go with preparing for the little girl and building a relationship with S, all around working almost opposite schedules.  We were finally able to set a date/time for our match meeting, Tuesday, June 26th at 11:30.  We were excited to have a game plan and see S again!

We arrived a little early and met with our adoption counselor, CM, briefly.  During our meeting, S and her mom arrived and went to the bathroom.  We finished up and went to the conference room to wait while S and her mom had their meeting with CM.  When they came out of the bathroom, CM asked if they'd like to say hi to us first and then get the meetings going.  With anger in S's mom voice, she said very sharply "no, this is business." 
Our hearts dropped immediately and all we could do was stare at each other.
Over the next THREE hours, we felt sick to our stomachs, tried to hear what was being said when voices were raised, browsed facebook to distract us, and tried to rationale what was happening. 
In the end, only CM entered the conference room and said with tears in her eyes that there will not be a placement and we were unmatched from S.  We both sat in our chairs shocked and let CM talk to us, but most of what we heard was "WAHHH-WAH WAH-WAHWAH-WAH."  We cried and started asking questions; all in all, S completely changed her mind (and no one saw it coming) to parent the little girl.

We went home and just hugged each other and cried.  SML was going off of a 1.5 hour nap after a night shift, so we ate dinner early, drank a bottle of wine, and went to bed. 
We had to tell our family and friends, again, the disappointment and heartache we were going through.  Our life that we were very shortly expecting was gone. 

We experienced the feelings of lost and decided to move on.  We are "on the books" again (our profile is open to birthmothers).  We still think about that little girl; she will always have a little place in our hearts.  We were just so close to getting our ideal open adoption, but everything happens for a reason.  We feel that our baby is currently out there and we are just ready to meet him/her!

A visit to Raleigh

Today, we went and picked up S and her sister to visit Raleigh.

We had an easy flowing and great visit with them.  This was our first time meeting D, S's sister.  It was an instant connection with her too.  We saw the house they live in, which had NO baby stuff around - that was relieving for us!!!  We also met their pets. :)

We came to Raleigh and ate lunch at Raleigh Times and strolled around downtown.  They both said that Raleigh seemed so big, but I guess it does when you come from an area of tons of farmland.  Lunch was fantastic, as always.  We then came back to our house to show them around.  We ended up hanging out in the nursery for a while, just chatting about everything.  We learned that S doesn't like or trust birthdad's mom, but is relieved that he's already signed relinquishment of his rights.  S is still uncertain about her hospital plan, but did mention that we will need to be there somehow, to take home the little one. :)  D expressed her concern with not being a part of this child's life, and we reassured her that we want to keep this relationship open and ongoing; that she would be known as aunt D to the little girl.  We talked for a couple of hours about everything and nothing at the same time.  It felt so great that our get-to-gethers are natural and easy.

We headed back to their town so D could get to work that evening.  We were only planning on dropping them off, but they invited us inside for an official tour of the house and ended up staying to see their little sister and step-dad arrive.  We hung around the house like we were part of the family.  We played a game with O, the little sister, and heard many family stories to pictures in albums.  It was fantastic.  We excused ourselves when dinner planning started; we needed to get back to our animals. 

It was a great day!  We are planning our match meeting within the next week, around their weekend to the beach.  We are so thrilled that this relationship is starting off so well and open!  The countdown continues.

More good news

Some good news...as of Friday night at midnight, the birthfather's rights were terminated! 
He willingly (and with some emotion) signed the papers a week before. 
We have not met him, but we have left the door open for him to also have an open relationship with us; if and when he is ready.

S had her weekly MD appt. on Thursday and everything still looks great!  She's off to DC with her best friend and her family for a long weekend.  We hope to have a match meeting with S and her mom the following week to put a plan on the table for the hospital and contact after placement.
We are 35 weeks now!  Counting down...

It's a....

GIRL!!!!!!

We are thrilled to finally announce that we have matched with a birthmom!!!  And we are expecting the sweet little girl July 20th!!!

We were contacted by S on Wednesday, May 30, via email and we instantly fell in love with her.  We had the wonderful gut feeling that we have been waiting for.  Within a few hours, we spoke on the phone with her and her mother.  Shelley and I looked at each other and we knew that this was our birthmom.  We planned to meet the following Saturday.

The next few days were pure excitement and we fell in love with her even more.  We exchanged emails and had positive feedback from our adoption counselor(s).  S is 17 years old and lives less than 2 hours away.  When we initially talked to S, she was only about 7 weeks away from due date.  Needless to say, we felt anxiety about that, but so happy at the same time.  We counted down every day to the Saturday we would see her face to face.

After 10 days of waiting, we drove to a mutual town and had lunch together.  We met her parents and little sister.  Hugs were given immediately with ease and we all fell into conversation quickly.  We talked more about ourselves and answered any questions they had.  We discussed our hopes with the open adoption.  We laughed at how similar our families are.  S said over and over how much she loves us and is very excited about being a short drive away.  It was a surprisingly relaxed lunch.  We drove home with permanent smiles.  We were unofficially expecting a little girl in less than 6 weeks. (We don't think, as well as her doctor, that she will make it to exactly 40 wks).

This past Sunday was the longest day for both of us.  We were bursting at the seams to tell our family and friends, but we wanted the match to be official.  Monday morning, we received an email from S's counselor stating she wanted to match.  SML called back right away (I was sleeping in between shifts).  WE MATCHED!!!!  The final details still need to be planned out in a match meeting, that will happen soon.  Nothing is final until after the birth, but....we feel 99% sure that we will have our baby girl in a month!

Tuesday evening, we had our family over for a "mandatory meeting" and revealed our secret.  Everyone had a pretty good idea why they were coming over, they just didn't know the details.  We shocked everyone with the soon due date and surprised them with the sex of the baby and how close birthmom is to us.  Our home was filled with excitement, love, laughter, and hugs! 

Until ~July 20th, we are using our free time preparing for baby and for get-togethers with S.  We are very excited and can't wait to grow our family by one! xoxo

...the waiting continues...

It's been 5 months now.

We are still waiting.

We received our monthly stats from our agency today and only 2 letters went out in April.  This is disheartening, but we seem to be following the average slump for months 4-5.

We did receive contact from a birthmom in FL, but it was short lived.  There were many safety risks involved, both in the short and long term.

On a positive note, we did receive 3 "favorites" by birthmoms on our website.  Our adoption counselor told us that it's a lot.

We are staying busy and taking fun trips :)  We went camping at Pilot Mtn. for a couple of nights, which was quiet and fun.  We had a breath taking view of the Super Moon!  We took a train to DC and visited friends for a weekend.  We did a lot of sight-seeing and walking.  It's such an amazing city.  We also stayed at a B&B at Sunset Beach for a couple of nights.  We had great weather and got in some much needed relaxation.

So, with staying busy, we are trying to remain positive.  It'll happen when it should happen.  It would just be nice to know when.

...waiting...

It's been four months since we got on the books and we are starting to feel like we have been waiting "forever."  We are starting to get antsy and have baby fever all of the time.  I thought that this feeling wouldn't start until after a year of waiting; if this is how we feel now and we are still waiting in December, how bad will it feel then?!

We are still busy with life and time is flying; yet each day without a contact from a birthmom seems like a very long day.  SML is studying for finals and excited about starting an externship in the MICU in June.  I'm staying busy with work and little projects still.  We have a few small trips planned in May.  Life is great...just mising one little piece :)

Here's a taste of my projects lately.

Button up bloomers

Baby bloomers

Clutch

Inside clutch - must add pocket next time :)

Lens sleeve

We received March stats from our agency: we had four letters go out. I found out that this is the average. For the most part, we have a steady rate of visitors to our iheart website; 0-3/day with hits from all over the country. Most seem to come from the east coast and California and about 20% are repeat visitors. So, overall, we have steady traffic viewing/considering us.

Until our contact....we wait.

Update

It's been 3 months of being "on the books" and we are still waiting.  We are okay with this, so far. :)

After our short, but great connection with Sarah, we received contact from another birthmom in NC, who was only 10 weeks along.  I chatted on the phone with her and afterwards didn't feel like she was our birthmom.  For SML and I, there were too many red flags with her situation and we just didn't connect.  We learned from our adoption coordinator that this birthmom was speaking with 3 or 4 other adoptive families and we were not one of her top choices.  All is well. 

As for being marketable, I believe it continues.  We had 5 letters go out in February (one to Sarah).  We are consistently having 1-2 hits on our website per day.  We were "favorited" by another birthmom just over a week ago, which means our website was flagged during a search by a birthmom, for easy locating and returning to. Yay!

Both SML and I have had the same feelings so far regarding contact from birthmoms.  We felt that we would be contacted early by a birthmom; and we feel that our next contact will be a little later; not quite yet.  Until then....we wait.

Sad news

We received an email from Sarah last week...she lost the baby.  We've had our grieving time and miss the dream of our relationship with her, the birthfather, and families.

We enjoyed our time getting to know her...she will go far in life!  She and her baby will always hold  a special place in our hearts as our first contact, and unofficial match.

First Meeting

We woke up Saturday morning anxious to get on the road.  The drive to Ft. Bragg seemed a little lengthy even though it was only an hour and a half.  We were anxious, but our excitement was much stronger!  We were in the "mommy mobile," as one of our friends declared.  What did we have to worry about?  On the way there we talked about what she may look like, play by plays in case the conversation wasn't moving, went over the questions we still wanted to ask, and hoped that she wouldn't be too uncomfortable.

We met her at Barnes and Noble first and just talked for about an hour.  We had a lot of fears and concerns dissolved almost immediately.  We learned more about her during that first hour than we anticipated we would the whole day.

Her family does know about the pregnancy and adoption plans now.  Phew - such a relief!  She said that her parents are still in the shock phase, but are coming around.  Her mom had her go to a maternity store and buy clothes.  Her father is mad one minute, but tells her he loves her the next.  Her parents support her decision and her choice of prospective adoptive parents....US!!!  She said that she is not in contact with any other families and has chosen us.  Without even meeting us, she had chose US.  US!!!  We already knew in our hearts that she was meant to be our birthmother. 
Her parents have seen our website and would love to meet us, especially have us visit them in Alaska.  What other reason would we ever visit Alaska?  We've thought about it and would love to, one day.  As we learned from SB, they actually have mild temps in June/July, so we'll plan on that. :)  Her parents want to be involved as well and receive updates from us.  A fear they have is not ever knowing their biological grandchild...her mom asked her, "what about holidays?"  We don't know how that will work, but we welcome them in our future child's life...the more family to love him or her, the better!

The birthfather, S, is in the army as well, is 25, and likes to drink alcohol a little too much.  He has yet to tell his parents, but is completely on board with the adoption plans.  He told SB that he's fearful of telling his mother, who is a large African American Pastor in GA.  SB told us that she's glad she's not in his position. :) 
S plans on calling us this week to "meet" us.  He's still unsure how much he wants to be involved, but SB is being respectful of his plans.

We learned that not only are there friends in SC, where she's moving to in April, but a family that has taken her under their wings is there.  This makes us feel much better about her relocation and the support she'll have.  She's already on the search for a new OB/GYN in SC and therapist, which we applauded.  She is such a planner and thinks things through - I LOVE that about her!

SB asked us many great questions, grown up questions.  She wanted to know what our plans are for travel; do we want more children; will we do daycare and plans of socialization for young child, have we thought about schools; how do we plan on handling homework; discipline style; anticipation of teenagers, etc.  We loved the questions and she loved our answers.  She asked us if we were talking to any other birthmoms and we think felt relieved that we weren't.  She is so excited that we are excited about it all.

We went to lunch at a mexican restaurant and walked around the mall since it was cold outside.  We just talked about likes and common interests, got to know each other better, and asked each other questions as they popped in our heads.  SB asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the baby, we both said yes; then she said she didn't.  I told her that I'd have to think about that, I just never imagined not knowing.  We are on board now with not knowing; it'll be part of the fun and surprise of this journey.  We think she doesn't want to know in fear of closer attachment with the baby and we respect that.  She did also mention that twins run both on her side of the family and the birthfathers.  She just wanted to throw that out there to us.  We don't mind at all and it doesn't change our feelings of matching with her...we just will have to prepare a little differently if that's the case.  We'll know at the end of March at her 12 week ultrasound if there are two little peanuts.  She's invited us to that appt and we hope to both be able to make it!

SB is 8 weeks along now and we hope to match closer to the end of her first trimester...so near the end of March we hope to have our match meeting - where we commit to each other, SML and I are taken off the books, and we draft our guidelines for visits, contact (letters/pictures), etc.

It was a wonderful first meeting with her and we hope to see her again soon, maybe on St. Patrick's weekend, after SML returns from Guatemala.

Update

It's been just about two weeks since we first heard from SB and we are finally going to meet her Saturday.  We're driving down to her to hang out and have lunch.  We are very excited to meet her!!!  We hope that this meeting puts us all more at ease and opens things up for more questions.

We had four letters go out in January to birthmoms.  We were excited about that!  We've also seen a variety of people in cities all over the country viewing our website!

We are still on the books, but feel a wonderful connection with SB already.  We'll see how Sat. goes!

And Contact!

Sooooo, we learned a week ago on Tuesday, Feb. 7th, that our website was "favorited" by a birthmom.

On Sunday, Feb. 12th, we received an email from a birthmom, SB!!!  We read it together and were shaking....our first contact!  How do we respond?  She sounds amazing!  What did she like about us?  Where does she live?  Holy crap, she's only 6 weeks pregnant!

We gained our composure, a little, and emailed her back immediately.  We pulled out the IAC resource on what to say/not say and came up with a sweet, very excited email. 
She emailed back the next day and we have been in communication via email since. We've learned that SB is 19 years old, in the army (reserves) and works as a medical lab tech, and is in school.  She is stationed right now at Ft. Bragg.  Her family is in Alaska.  She has a great group of friends in SC and will be moving there in April for work/school.  She is organized, a planner, smart, healthy, and easy to talk to.

We decided to call her tonight, since she had invited us.  We were nervous and giddy, but it was a great conversation!!!  She is a well spoken, very sweet and happy young lady.  She was very thrilled about her ultrasound appointment she had today....she got to see the little peanut and her due date is Oct. 8th, 2012!!!  She's invited us to her next appt. in March when she gets to hear the heartbeat.  We plan on going! 

She's talked to IAC and her intake is about complete; we just have to wait until closer to the end of the 1st trimester before we can all move forward.  We learned from our coordinator that the baby is biracial, caucasian and african american.  We are thrilled!  We are soooo excited and are trying to be realistic at the same time, but it is a great feeling with her!

It's A Hoot

In anticipation of baby and enjoying our free time, I've been working on a few projects :)  (SML's been studying :))  We have the itch to start preparing, so instead of buying big items yet, I've been making little ones.

I came up with a logo since I anticipate making some bibs and burp cloths as gifts. 

My Logo :)

We purchased a gently used Moses Basket for the bedroom, so I made the bedding.

Before

                                                 

                                                          After

Project Moses Basket complete

The girls, especially Avs, enjoyed helping.

A very interested kitty

Busy bee hard at work

Avs approved the quality and comfort :)

Here's the beginning of stuff for baby...as well as gift ideas :)

Bibs

Matching Bib & Burp cloths

Fitted burp cloths

Square burp cloths...stacking up

Monthly Stats

We recently learned that we receive a monthly update from our adoption coordinator.  This includes tips on communicating and building relationships with birthparents, refreshers, and most importantly, how many times our letter goes out to birthmoms/parents for the month.

Our number for December 2011: 0
However, we officially went onto the books in December, so I'm not too disappointed with this result.

I'll continue to update this list as we receive updates.